


Maybe, I'm Afraid.

by ToKillA_Stormer1500



Category: Bastille (Band), lovelytheband (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a song, Boys Kissing, Drunken Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Happy pride month, M/M, Short One Shot, but not TOO drunk, just slightly tipsy, maybe i'm afraid by lovelytheband
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-04-07 14:45:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19087189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToKillA_Stormer1500/pseuds/ToKillA_Stormer1500
Summary: Dan confesses his feelings to Kyle one night while their parents throw a party downstairs. Their both a little drunk, but not drunk enough. They work through





	Maybe, I'm Afraid.

**Author's Note:**

> this is the song that inspired me, please go listen to it, it's amazing.  
> Maybe, I'm Afraid: https://youtu.be/_FJW8xILQAY

{Dan's POV}

\----

   The music and loud talking from downstairs spills into my bedroom, where we stand, swaying to the music that is softly playing over all of the guests below us. He smiles at me, his perfectly white teeth showing as he pulls me closer and spins me. The alcohol on his breath is unmistakable, but faint as I place my head on his shoulder, pulling him into a hug as the song skips. We sway gently, never letting go until the clamor from below ua grows louder. The people below don't miss us though, seen as we managed to take two glasses of wine before running up the stairs and hiding away in my bedroom. It's my Dad’s party anyway, full of business associates and their wives. Nobody around our age of course, the closest being anyone in their early 30's. So here we are, swaying like idiots, completely off rhythm with the music, but it doesn't seem to matter.

   I stop us after a while to drain the remainder of my glass before setting it on the windowsill carefully. He repeats my action, brushing beside me as he sets his glass down gently next to mine. 

   "Are you alright Dan?" I nod and walk over to the plug, where my phone is connected to the speaker, and tap on a different song. "Are you sure?" he says. 

   "Yeah, I'm good," I respond softly, my heart pounding inside of my chest as I turn around to look at him. My thoughts race, each coming one after another at a million miles a minute, but they’re ever so slightly jumbled and end up forming one big mass at the front of my brain.  _ 'Maybe he's just too good. Maybe I'll run away! Maybe I'm over him? Maybe I shouldn't stay. Maybe I just don't care. Maybe I think too much.' _

   I know that he sees my thoughts racing as he studies my eyes, because he gets the same look whenever he knows that I'm close to a breakdown. He moves closer to me and presses himself against my back, I let out a sigh and attempt to hold back tears with a smile.  _ 'Maybe it's just the alcohol causing me to feel like this. Maybe I should tell him the truth. Maybe he feels the same? There's no way. What if he runs away? What if I never get over him. Maybe I-' _

   The thing is, I planned on telling him about my feelings towards him tonight, but I didn't really think about when I should've done it. The truth is, I've thought about this for a long time now, and every made up scenario ends differently for me, but it always manages to spiral out of control. Every time it gets to a point where it leaves me on the edge, if not in the middle of a panic attack and feelings of shame and guilt. I feel my pulse in my fingers and hear it in my ears, suddenly my breathing stops.

   "Dan, what's up?" He asks from behind me, arms loosening around me, but still holding me in an embrace.

   "It's nothing Kyle, probably just the aftershock of being in that crowded living room for too long," I poorly lie. He turns me around quickly, placing his hand on my shoulder as soon as I'm facing him.

   I ball my hand into the hemline of my t-shirt, hoping to release some of the anxiety that is now beginning to flood my senses. 

  "Bullshit, Dan. You know that I can tell when you're lying by now." I nod and look down to the floor, unable to look into his eyes.  _ 'I should run. He can't know, you know how wrong it is. What you're feeling is disgusting, unnatural even. But what if he understands?' _

   I don't even realize that my hands are trembling until I feel his wrap around them. He brings them up and hold them tightly in his as we stare wordlessly at each other. The music in the background long forgotten now catches my attention, the song we've listened to way too many times before rings through the room.

   ''Here, sit down, alright? Sit down and we can talk, yeah?" He pulls me across the room, past the window looking out to the dead of night, away from the desk with my phone and the speaker, over to the bed where he sits down. He pulls me down beside him and looks at me patiently, but I look down at my feet. "Do you want to talk about it?"

   "I'm not sure if I can," I mutter quietly.

   "What do you mean?" He asks. I shake my head and continue looking down.

   "I don't know! I want to tell you, I really do, but I don't know how to. I have so much to tell you and so much that I need to tell you before it's too late, but I can't." My voice breaks and cracks with every word, but I keep my breath steady.

   "Dan, listen to me, we've known each other for years! You can tell me anything, I mean it. I've never seen you this worked up about anything before, so it's definitely something huge. I want you to know, that no matter what it is, and I mean this, I won’t judge you," he says calmly as he moves closer to me and places his hand on my shoulder again. 

   "Kyle, I really can't. I want to so, so, so badly, but I just- I'm afraid that you'll be angry or leave or never talk to me again when I do tell you. I don't want you to hate me if I tell you, because I already hate myself because of it. I know I'm being really dramatic, and I'm sorry, but I don't know how to say it out loud." I look up and meet his eyes, his beautiful dark brown eyes, tinged with fear and concern, that are staring at me intently . "I'm sorry."

   "Hey, it's alright Dan. I could never hate you! I know that you're scared, but I promise, I could never hate you. You're not being dramatic and you have nothing to be sorry for. Whatever is bothering you, I'm sure we can work it out. I want to help, I really do. I won't judge, but you have to tell me if you need help. If not, we can drop it and carry on. Nobody will ever know that this happened," he states calmly and matter-of-factly. "Dan, I can see it in your eyes, you're struggling. Your thoughts are tearing you apart. I know that look because I am that look. You can tell me and whatever it is, it’ll be fine."

    His arm hooks around my shoulder as he pulls me into a tight hug. I rest my head on his shoulder and let out the breath I was holding in against him, finally feeling the sobs take hold of my body. 'Maybe he's just too good. Maybe I'll run away! Maybe I'll get over him? Maybe I shouldn't stay. Maybe I just don't care. Maybe I talk too much.'

    "It's alright Dan, it's alright. Just breathe for me, yeah?" His hand moves along my back as he holds me against his body. I take a moment to collect myself, taking in shaken breaths and releasing them slowly. "Take your time, you don't need to rush it." 

    "It's ok, I think I'm ok now. I'm sorry you had to see this." I move myself away from him and sigh, bringing my hands up to my face before running them up and down over it. He shakes his head and frowns sympathetically as he places his hand on my arm.

    "Dan, you don't have to apologize. You don't have to act strong either. You're allowed to feel, you're allowed to cry. I won't judge you for any of it, I promise. Take it slow," he says quietly. I nod and look down again, attempting to keep myself together.  _ 'I'm AFRAID! I'm afraid! I'm afraid.' _

    "I'm not sure about it yet, but," I pause, clenching my fists around my pants as I breathe, "Kyle, I think I'm bisexual."

    I look up to him, now straining to hold back the tears in my eyes. He pauses, his reaction unclear to me for a second, but then, to my surprise, his face lights up in a bright smile.

    "I don't know what to say! I'm so proud of you! Thank you for telling me, Dan. It means the world to me," he says excitedly. I feel the tears slide down my face as I finally close my eyes. He grabs me and pulls me into another tight hug, this time smiling and whispering words of encouragement and support to me gently.

    "That's not all," I whispered weakly, fear quickly finding its way back into my chest. "Kyle, that's not all."

    He pulls back from me, looking at me with kind, patient eyes. My heart pounds inside of me again and threatens to explode at any small bit of contact from him. It all feels like too much, the air surrounding us is smothering me with every breath.

    "I don't know how to say this because every time I tried to go over it in my head, it ended terribly. Kyle, you're my best friend. You're the closest person to me in the entire world and I don't want to screw it up. I don't want you to leave," he opens his mouth to talk, but I look up quickly. He closes his mouth and nods, clearly wanting to say something about how he's never going to leave. "Kyle, I think, no, I know that I've fallen in love with you. I like you a lot, like a lot a lot and I can't control it anymore."

    I close my eyes, not even bothering to wait on his reaction before the remaining tears end up all over my face as I shake and cry silently. I opened my eyes when I feel him wrap himself around me, his chest flush with my back and his hands tangling easily with mine. He rocks us back and forth gently, calming me with low murmurs in my ear.

    After a while, he slows. My breaths are now even as he moves to face me again. I look into his eyes and see that they're red and his face is tear striped as well. He smiles weakly to me as I move closer and silently ask to touch him. He nods and I move my fingers to brush across his cheek, moving away the fresh tears that run down.

    "Dan?" he asks quietly as he shifts in front of me, "How long has that been wearing away at you?"

    "Almost a year now. At first, I thought it was just this small thing that I'd get over, but then it grew and grew and it got out of my control," I replied softly.

    "Dan?" He moves my hand away from his face and closes his eyes.

    "Yeah?"

    "Can I kiss you?" My heart stops. Every horrible ending that I built up in my mind melts away as I stare at him. He opens his eyes and looks actually panicked as he slowly backs away. "I'm sorry, it's crazy. I'm sorry, I just-"

    "Kyle!" I cut him off and he sits still on the bed. I raise myself to my knees and move close to him, closer than before.

    "Yeah?" His hands are trembling as I take them and place them in mine.

    "You can," I say. And before he has the time to second guess himself, he leans in and press our lips together. My hands find his hair and shoulder as he pulled me onto his lap. I melt into him, leaning in to every touch. His hands finally rest on my hips, unconsciously holding tightly as mine do the same in his hair. 

    It's a desperate movement. Our lips move out of sync, but as soon as we've settled, our lips know exactly what they're doing, as if it was rehearsed. I pulled away after a while to catch my breath, placing my forehead against his with a smile.

    "I like you too, Dan," he announces weakly. I laugh and pull him to lay on top of me before brushing a bit of hair away from his face with a smile.

    "I kinda figured that out. I mean, you're the one who kissed me," I say against his shoulder. He laughs at the retort, taking my hands and kissing one of them as he moves to lay beside me. "What now?" 

    "Well, the music is still on, the party below seems to be going at full speed still and I'm pretty sure it's only a little bit past 10:30, so do you want to dance?" His smile grows as he stands up and pulls me with him.

    "Not exactly what I meant, but I'd love to dance with you." I let him pull me closer to him and move us around the room, my head on his shoulder as he gently kisses my head.

    "We'll talk more about it in the morning, right now, we just need to relax and enjoy life. I don't know about you, but I'm on top of the world right now," he states calmly. I nod and press closer to him.  

    "Alright." He pulls my head up and locks our lips together again, the song in the background plays, blocking out most of the world, but not him. 

_ 'Maybe all we are is fools with hearts that try too hard _

_ And maybe that's just fine as long as you're here in my arms _

_ Maybe you're just too good _

_ Maybe I'll run away _

_ Maybe I'm over you _

_ Maybe I shouldn't stay _

_ Maybe I just don't care _

_ Maybe I talk too much _

_ But baby I'll be there _

_ Yeah, baby I'll be there _

_ It's been a little hard _

_ I've been a little tired _

_ But maybe all along _

_ I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid _

_ I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid' _


End file.
